youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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