Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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