if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
