.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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