I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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