Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
