we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
