You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
