Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
