i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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