I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
