I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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