I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
