mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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