WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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