Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
