her vagine was all disorganized.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
