Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
