I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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