I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
