alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
