You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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