We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
