yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
