If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
