rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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