I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
