at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
