I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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