Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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