this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
