I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
