the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
