I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
