my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
