omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this just has baby written all over it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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