Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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