My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
