he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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