I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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