Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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