with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
