I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
