so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
