I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize