he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
