If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
