the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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