i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
