I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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