we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
