His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
