I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
