he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
