I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
