everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
