take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
