Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
