She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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