I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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