Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
