So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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