Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
