I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
