If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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