You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
