just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
