i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
