two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize