i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
