Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
