I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
