just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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