Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
