drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize