Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
