im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
