I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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