Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
