life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
