Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
