yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
