she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize