I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i out mim tonsoeep
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
