i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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