Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
