I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
