TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
