And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
