Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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