Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
