I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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